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Exploding neutron star produces Spam
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JWB Offline
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Exploding neutron star produces Spam
WASHINGTON, D. C.- April first of this year, Observers of the Hubble Telescope have just witnessed an exploding neutron star producing over 1,000 tons of Spam according to NASA scientists. After observing heavy elements like gold being produced by an exploding neutron star in October of last year, they learned of the origin of heavier elements. Now the mystery of where Spam comes from has been solved as well. "We observed thousands of tons of the meat product emanating from the core of the exploding star", explained NASA astronomer Ryan Goodwill. "The origin of this mysterious substance is now known."
News of the discovery was welcomed by the Spam miners at Hormel. "It's good to know where this substance came from, as we can now tell our workers in the Spam mines that they're mining Spam stuff", stated Hormel CEO Sloof Lirpa. "I just hope this addition of more Spam to the universe doesn't cause the value of the commodity to go down.", he continued.
Of course, Spam has been mined by hard-working Spam miners and sold by the Hormel corporation ever since its discovery in the 1920's, but mysteries about exactly where Spam came from have persisted since then.
"We also think we have the answer to what dark matter is", continued Goodwill. "I think dark matter is actually giant hunks of the luncheon meat floating around in outer space. It was all produced by exploding neutron stars and is just floating out in the ether."
Dark matter is, of course, the matter in our galaxy that we know exists by gravitational pull, but that until now, we did not know the nature of.
The Hormel Corporation has teamed up with Elon Musk, and by 2025, they plan to build a spaceship capable of gathering up all the Spam from the explosion and selling it on the market.
"It's an exciting proposition", remarked Lirpa. "Just think that we'll never run out of Spam!"

"Some prisoners spent more than ten years buried in solitary cells the size of coffins, hearing nothing but clanging bars or footsteps in the corridors. They survived because they could talk to each other by tapping on the wall. In that way, they told of dreams, memories, and fallings in and out of love; they discussed, embraced, and fought; they shared beliefs, beauties, doubts, guilts and those questions that have no answers.
When it is genuine, when it is born of the need to speak, no one can stop the human voice. When it is denied a mouth, it speaks with the hands, the eyes, the pores, or anything at all because every single one of us has something to say to the others, something that deserves to be celebrated or forgiven by others."-Eduardo Galeano
04-01-2018 04:17 PM
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142857 Online
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Post: #2
RE: Exploding neutron star produces Spam
I thought this was a real scientific discovery until I saw the date....
04-01-2018 05:50 PM
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d_olson27 Offline
ןןɐqppo uɐ ɟo ʇɐɥʍǝɯos
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Post: #3
RE: Exploding neutron star produces Spam
Yeah. I had always been told that Spam was a byproduct of planetary ecretion. As always, the truth turns out to be far cooler.

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04-02-2018 02:16 AM
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skyblue1 Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Exploding neutron star produces Spam
fried spam for breakfast

I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly.
04-02-2018 09:47 AM
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142857 Online
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Post: #5
RE: Exploding neutron star produces Spam
Improvements in food technology mean that spam is a lot more palatable now than it used to be. My mother refused to buy it when we were kids even when money was tight, because she had eaten it as a child during WW2 and it was really just ground low-grade pig offal in those days.
(This post was last modified: 04-02-2018 11:00 AM by 142857.)
04-02-2018 10:58 AM
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JWB Offline
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RE: Exploding neutron star produces Spam
(04-02-2018 10:58 AM)142857 Wrote:  Improvements in food technology mean that spam is a lot more palatable now than it used to be. My mother refused to buy it when we were kids even when money was tight, because she had eaten it as a child during WW2 and it was really just ground low-grade pig offal in those days.

To think that all that Spam was actually just star stuff. (In my original post with Lirpa's quote, I meant to write, "They're mining star stuff" instead of "They're mining Spam stuff". Mistake on my part. Apologies to Lirpa for misquoting him.)

"Some prisoners spent more than ten years buried in solitary cells the size of coffins, hearing nothing but clanging bars or footsteps in the corridors. They survived because they could talk to each other by tapping on the wall. In that way, they told of dreams, memories, and fallings in and out of love; they discussed, embraced, and fought; they shared beliefs, beauties, doubts, guilts and those questions that have no answers.
When it is genuine, when it is born of the need to speak, no one can stop the human voice. When it is denied a mouth, it speaks with the hands, the eyes, the pores, or anything at all because every single one of us has something to say to the others, something that deserves to be celebrated or forgiven by others."-Eduardo Galeano
04-02-2018 04:25 PM
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