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When toilet trained is not toilet trained
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MM Offline
elder
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Post: #1
When toilet trained is not toilet trained
A 6 yr old kid peeing himself or bed twice in a week and pooing his pants several times per week (not diarhhea) is not toilet trained. I can understand the occasional "accident". So why did the parents lie? If the kid needs a toilet schedule is was never suggested. Also they have no bucket even to soak the kids shit pants in. I had to use the handwashing basin and then was it later. I am so close to quittinf this job. A whole bunch of other stuff happened today. I suppose to take care of this kid and expected to clean the whole house and do all the laundry and cook.
07-13-2018 09:29 AM
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d_olson27 Offline
ןןɐqppo uɐ ɟo ʇɐɥʍǝɯos
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Post: #2
RE: When toilet trained is not toilet trained
If it's too much for you, you absolutely have a right to tell the kid's parents that this job was more than you were expecting and that you need to quit.

Do you think it would have made a difference if they had done more to tell you about the kinds of challenges that would be involved?

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07-13-2018 09:51 AM
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d_olson27 Offline
ןןɐqppo uɐ ɟo ʇɐɥʍǝɯos
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Post: #3
RE: When toilet trained is not toilet trained
Another thought that just came to me is that sometimes children will regress when there are changes in their lives. Maybe that's part of what's going on.

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07-13-2018 10:00 AM
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MM Offline
elder
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Post: #4
RE: When toilet trained is not toilet trained
The mother seemed to think that giving the kid a cheese sandwich was causing the problem. So today he did not get a cheese sandwich. The problem is not diarhhea or food allergy. He shits his pants and then sits in it. He does not tell me. He goes upstairs and takes off his underwear and throws it somewhere. Then he puts his pants back on and gets shit into them. Then I smell him and ask if he has to use the toilet. I cleaned the kid up and changed him. Then we go to the pool and his underwear is dirty again and I have to clean his butt. He also pees on himself and his bed regularly. They lied and told he is toilet trained. He is almost 7 years old.

Maybe the kid is regressing. He told me that he loves me and he even hugged me the other day. If he does not want to do something he just refuses. He also will not eat. He eats maybe half a sandwich and some juice with a ton of pushing. He refuses to eat whatever else is offered. He wanted yogurt but then his sister ate the last lactose free yogurt. I gave him a freezer pop. Also when the house was filled with dust I had to leave so I took the kids to a donut shop. He ate half a donut no problem.

He also will just open the door and walk outside without telling me. I go to the bathroom and I come out and look for him. He is on the porch.

Also this fine family do not seem to own a bucket where I can soak his soiled clothing. I would rather soak out the poop and pour it all down the toilet and wash the bucket out. I had to wash out his pooped clothes in the hand basin and wash the hand basin after. Do people wash that in the toilet. Don't tell me they put a poop filled underwear into their front loader washer?

He hates the daycamp they send him to in the morning. He was at a different place last week. Plus a new nanny. Yes. Maybe too much change. However I cannot control that.

I do have the right to quit. But that means no income for the summer. I am going to talk it over with my husband. I can just go back to my old job in September. I am definitely mot staying.

I am going to refuse most housework while the kid is at home. I can just play with him. Other days when his is at camp all day, I can clean until I go pick him up.
07-13-2018 05:39 PM
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MM Offline
elder
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Post: #5
RE: When toilet trained is not toilet trained
I am going to work on toilet training and checking this kid's pants and give him timed toilet breaks. I am also buying a bucket and poop scraper and gloves. He is getting a sticker chart and rewards for days using the toilet consistently.

But I am still quitting after the summer. I am really sick now because of their house and I expect it to continue making me sick through August. At the end of August I will quit.
07-16-2018 10:17 PM
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142857 Offline
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Post: #6
RE: When toilet trained is not toilet trained
My son often doesn't realize that he needs to go to the toilet. He will say that he doesn't need to go even though we can see that he does from the way he is moving and fidgeting. And then at the very last second he will run to the toilet and spray the toilet like a firehose.

He used to be the same with his number twos.

It can be a sensory processing issue. He may simply not recognize the feeling of needing to go to the toilet as... needing to go to the toilet.

Maybe when he does go to the toilet you can ask him to remember the feeling that he had that told him that he needed to go to the toilet. Ask him what it feels like and if he can remember that for next time. And be patient, it won't happen right away.
07-16-2018 10:45 PM
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MM Offline
elder
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Post: #7
RE: When toilet trained is not toilet trained
He was apparently toilet trained already but just forgot. He just does not want to go to the toilet even when I remind him. He refuses.

Totally defiant about everything. Remember he is six years old. Just makes ke think he is growing up to become a sociopath. So for sure I am going to quit in a few weeks.
07-17-2018 10:51 AM
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MM Offline
elder
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Post: #8
RE: When toilet trained is not toilet trained
Found out the kid is on ritalin. Apparently this can make some kids incontinent. I have found a few published articles.

Also he tends to withhold. Even if I ask him if he has to use the toilet, he refuses. He refuses most of what I ask such as "would you like to go and play at the park?" The parents told me that I have to tell him and no choice offered. Making his use the toilet is a tantrum causing venture. This kid is highly verbal and can express himself well with words so tantrums really are all about a show.

He is often sleepy in the early afternoon when the age of naptimesis past. I doubt he gets enough during the night. The medication also reduces his appetite so that he does not want to eat. They seem to offer a low carb low fat diet which does not match his energy level.

Anyway I could write a 20 page essay to the parents about this kid and the harm I think it is doing him but ......why bother? Would they listen to me? I am leaving anyway.
07-18-2018 09:34 PM
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MM Offline
elder
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Post: #9
RE: When toilet trained is not toilet trained
I think this 6 yr old kid would only poop in his pants or in a pullup diaper. This is not an option for kids in full time school unless they can hold it until they get home. Diapers are not allowed at school unless there is a medicla reason. Sometimes kids try to hold it in and they can lose control after a few days. He would poop in his pants at school and try to clean himself up and change if he had a change of clothes. He also tried to hide his soiled clothes. The 12 yr old sister would help him by maybe cleaning his pants into the toilet or giving him a diaper to poo in and take it out to the garbage. It is a strange occurance for a 12 yr old girl to take out the bathroom garbage without asking.

I was rewarding the kid for keeping clean pants as far as I could tell. I think he was still lying and covering up sometimes. I got fired by that time I just gave him the reward anyway.

It does not make sense to punish a child for not using the toilet. Better to find out why they hate the toilet. They might at first just poop in a diaper in the bathroom. Get them to sit on the toilet and play with their ipad just to get used to the feeling. Maybe they hate the splash, or flushing or the smell or toilet paper.

I hate pooping anywhere but home but had to get used to it when I went to university because otherwise I was not home until late. I know people who bring their own paper and wipes. Usually I need a quiet deserted toilet and poop in peace.
08-13-2018 11:18 PM
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