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How can I get parents to listen?
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MM Offline
elder
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Post: #1
How can I get parents to listen?
I have a recently new nanny job. I bring up a few issues with the parents but they don’t listen. I told them the dog is eating from the bathroom trash can (really gross stuff) and this makes the dog ill and also could potentially kill the dog since those lady items have gel in them that could block intestine. I asked them to get a trash can with a lid.

The other issue is their autistic kid likes to slam doors. There doors need to be adjusted So they can be closed quietly so the kid learns not to slam doors. Slamming doors when angry is a sign of aggression. Also someone could get hurt. I asked the parents to fix the doors but they did not.

I don’t do much cleaning because their vacuum is pathetic. The autistic kid does not like me on the room so I don’t bother. This would be fine if they bothered to clean. One parent told me not to do laundry because when I am there the electricity rate is higher.

Other issues such as the children’s poor nutrition (they buy the groceries) and excessive screen time bothers me but I have not discussed this with the parents. They don’t care.

I suppose I should really like a job that is mostly sitting around reading, watching tv or whatever and just check the kids every so often. I got fired from another job and I did exactly what the parent left me a list of to do everyday. But then they were weirdos who abused almost everyone else who worked there. So maybe I should just sit tight at this job and bake something every so often. ???
10-24-2019 09:56 PM
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142857 Offline
Who's your Daddy?

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Post: #2
RE: How can I get parents to listen?
Yes. I'm surprised the dog isn't dead yet.

I would sit tight, and maybe ask for a list of things you can do each day? Or come up with suggestions? Or ask if the kids can have set times with no screens so you can play board games?
10-25-2019 06:48 AM
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MM Offline
elder
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Post: #3
RE: How can I get parents to listen?
The problem is that the autistic kid is allowed to do what he wants. The mother coddles him. He came home from school upset and I asked him why. He got in trouble with the teacher. The teacher took his toy away (he was probably asked to put it away during class time). So he started crying and telling me he wanted his Mom. So the mom told me when that happens to call her. I said we could call mommy and he starts kicking me. This kid is 10 yrs old. Not so much damage to ke but not a good habit long term. So I got the phone and the mother tells the kid that she is going to phone the teacher as if this is all her fault. My opinion is get the kid in control of his emotions then have a chat later with him about obeying teacher and why toys are not being taken to school unless they can be played with at break or if other kids will not take them.

Basically the parents are in survival mode. They let these kids do whatever they want, eat whatever they want even sleep where ever they want (mom admitted to me that they let the girl sleep with them). Boy even refuses to use the toilet at times because he is too busy playing his games to go to the toilet. I sniff oppositional defiant disorder because this kid has high functioning autism.

Also these parents are the the type who demand the school or government pay for everything. I get paid ok but not great so adding in a huge amount of demands to the job for me just does not make sense. I wash a few dishes, walk the dog and mostly read or watch tv by myself the rest of the time. I had interviews with families who expected me clean the whole house, do laundry, cook, and do physical therapy and homework with their kids for minimum wage. Plus this family is very close to where I live so I have no travel expenses. I just feel bad for the kids.

The parents do not expect much from me or the kids. I however expect more from the parents. But who is paying who? If we ever do have a meeting then I will bring up a few items but otherwise maybe I should just do what is expected and get paid.
10-26-2019 08:04 PM
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MM Offline
elder
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Post: #4
RE: How can I get parents to listen?
I think more the issue right now is to get the kid to poo in the toilet. He often poops his pants and expects his mom to clean him up when she gets home. He never tells me and I am not going to change an uncooperative and non-consenting kid (He’s 10). Somehow it is rewarding to him to poop in his pants or he just does not care. He never does it at school, only at home. Even I remind him to use the toilet. He was peeing his pants after school when I first started working there. Sort of his protest that mom was not home.
10-29-2019 10:36 PM
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142857 Offline
Who's your Daddy?

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Post: #5
RE: How can I get parents to listen?
Autistic kids are all so different and can be difficult for parents to manage. Normal methods of discipline and encouragement may not work at all. Behaviours that you expect them to grow out of may become worse over time.
10-30-2019 10:08 AM
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MM Offline
elder
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Post: #6
RE: How can I get parents to listen?
I actually wrote him a note “ _____ puts poo in the toilet then Mommy is happy. “. He said he didn’t like the note and did not want to read it. I put it away and might put it out again. I really did not want it to say mommy is unhappy when he poops his pants. I do sometimes remind him to use the toilet and try to keep his pants clean. He reacts by telling me no that he does not have to use the toilet but his farting so much or he just stinks because he pooped his pants.

The mother told me that he used to always be constipated and they had to use stool softener everyday but now he was getting regular. That info helps me since I can try to understand that the physical process of pooping or peeing might be uncomfortable for him. Still using the toilet is necessary skill.
11-03-2019 11:21 AM
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qwerty Offline
elder
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Post: #7
RE: How can I get parents to listen?
(11-03-2019 11:21 AM)MM Wrote:  The mother told me that he used to always be constipated and they had to use stool softener everyday but now he was getting regular.

based on what you've said about his diet, this is not really surprising, espicially if you mix in some anxiety.

I have had some of the same issues for most of my life. eventually I figured out i wasn't getting soluble fiber (the type of fiber in psylium husk supplement). insoluble is the vast majority of the fiber in most seeds/nuts/grains and increases bowel movement frequency without necessarily making them comfortable. there is more soluble fiber in in beans, prunes, etc and it stool softens, reducing or eliminating pain. ideally one is getting both types. soluble also is the type that gives you gas because it is fermented in the small intestine, which allows you to partially digest it and releases both nutrients and gas. because of this people, tend to be scared of foods with a lot of soluble fiber even though it is good for them. then again you don't necessarily need a lot of for bowel movement comfort - i think the equivalent of 2-3 apples or 1-2 servings of prunes is enough.

personally I find it easier to take the psylium husk long term except on days I eat prunes or beans. it's possible they shouldn't have taken him off it if he's not going to incorporate these foods (at least apples and prunes), as it doesn't sound like they've addressed the initial cause of these issues.
(This post was last modified: 11-04-2019 08:29 AM by qwerty.)
11-04-2019 08:27 AM
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MM Offline
elder
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Post: #8
RE: How can I get parents to listen?
He eats grapes, raisins, a certain type of cracker and pasta, cereal and milk daily. Sometimes chicken or beef, banana, apple. That is it. I told the mother that banana was good but apple is also good to have daily.

Right about painful poo because the kids will hold it in.

The problem is that they said they consulted a nutritionalist and other medical professional who told them that his diet was ok and to give him drugs.

I sometimes throw in a different type of cracker with the kind he will eat and he takes a fit. I told him if you don’t want it then just take it out or just eat it anyway. So one day I put a candy in with his cookies and he protested but still unwrapped it and tasted it. He told me that he didn’t like it. That is fine because that is better than freaking out, screaming and throwing the food on the floor. I want him to get used to having different food on his plate and even trying it occasionally. Parents are not on board with this and just do whatever to survive.

The problem is that most doctors do not take time to solve practical problems or maybe even care. i am not sure if he is seeing a therapist for anxiety or whatever but for sure they are not going to pay for it. They seem to think the government or school should pay for everything. ??? That’s my impression. At least they pay me but nowhere the rate of someone trained to work with autism.
11-04-2019 10:12 AM
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MM Offline
elder
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Post: #9
RE: How can I get parents to listen?
Kid hit, kicked and bit me yesterday. I took his ipad away and after about 3 minutes he finally said he was sorry and I gave it back. Pathetic parents because the kid has no idea what a time out is.
11-05-2019 10:37 PM
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