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Rate the Last Movie U Watched
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LanguageWolf Offline
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Post: #561
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched
(05-25-2015 01:54 AM)Luke Mauser Wrote:  Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Possibly the stupidest movie I've ever seen. Here's a sample of why (I won't say "contains spoiler alerts", because it would be impossible to 'spoil' this movie).

Some scientists have tested a virus on some apes and found that it makes them more intelligent. They are trying to sell this as a cure for Alzheimer's disease. Their sales bid get rejected and the programme gets pulled. All the apes are put down, except for a newborn chimp who is illicitly kept by one of the scientists. He soon finds out that this infant has all the symptoms of the virus despite never having been injected. Various scenes follow in which we are supposed to be wowed by vast quantities of CGI padding which no doubt is supposed to be realistic but is in fact redolent of a Pixar movie, just without the songs.
Three years later, the scientist wants to try the virus on his own father, who has dementia. Most conveniently, the script-writer has arranged for stockpiles of it to be readily available at the laboratories, despite the fact that we already know the project to develop it has not existed for three years (this is later confirmed in the dialogue). Equally conveniently, it appears to be completely unguarded, so he is able to simply pick it up in a room full of colleagues and take it off the premises unchallenged.
The pet chimp attacks the scientist's neighbour and is taken away to an ape house by court order. From here, he escapes, then returns to the ape house with canisters of the virus from the laboratories, to which he has miraculously gained access without setting off an alarm or causing any other form of security alert, despite this being a hi-tech big-pharma institution. The director gets around this impossibility by simply not showing how it is done. The virus takes effect in only a few hours, despite the fact that we have already been told it works by promoting growth of brain tissue, which is by necessity a slow process. The apes rebel against their captors and gain access to the science labs, once again without causing any kind of security alert. They then throw themselves through closed second-storey windows and are perfectly unharmed and able to run wild in the streets. Equally amazingly, they have become superb at every form of ballistic endeavour, despite having no practice whatsoever, including throwing iron railings at a moving vehicle from a great distance with sufficient force to penetrate the frame and with 100% accuracy, and throwing chains in such a manner that they wrap themselves around their intended victims. A chase follows, in which the scientist's boss arrives at a scene teeming with thousands of apes and immediately identifies the one ape they wish to kill, despite the fact that he is hundreds of feet away in a helicopter and the creature in question has no distinctive features that mark it out from all the other chimps. The apes cross the Golden Gate Bridge, in many cases climbing massive tubular girders despite these having no grippable surface, then they go and live in the forests to the north of San Francisco, where there would be insufficient fruit to meet their dietary requirements, and inadequate winter heat to keep them alive. In the meantime, it has been discovered that the new strain of the virus is the only microbe in the history of the world that is beneficial to all primates except humans, to whom it is deadly. And one of the apes can suddenly formulate a sentence and enunciate it perfectly, despite never having practiced this skill before.

What a total mound of shite, evidently aimed at people who fail to realise that the greatest threat to human civilisation come not from an ape or a virus but from the kind of de-intellectualisation that this film embodies. Patrick Doyle's soundtrack is suitably purposeless and idiotic.

I saw that too. LOL. I didn't think it was much better.

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06-08-2015 05:26 AM
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Rate the Last Movie U Watched - skyblue1 - 08-27-2013, 09:35 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - Betty - 09-22-2015, 05:26 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - Yuji - 10-09-2013, 12:30 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 10-19-2013, 09:46 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 11-11-2013, 12:19 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - Alison - 12-12-2013, 08:39 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - Some_Bloke - 12-12-2013, 11:59 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - Some_Bloke - 12-12-2013, 12:14 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - Some_Bloke - 12-24-2013, 01:26 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - Alison - 12-24-2013, 10:31 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - Betty - 12-26-2013, 09:07 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - Alison - 12-26-2013, 11:11 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 01-03-2014, 10:59 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - JWB - 01-09-2014, 06:50 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - Some_Bloke - 01-13-2014, 06:39 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - Alison - 01-27-2014, 12:12 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 01-27-2014, 12:37 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - Alison - 01-27-2014, 12:59 AM
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RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - Betty - 01-27-2014, 01:33 PM
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RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - el-presidente - 01-28-2014, 07:43 PM
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RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - JWB - 01-11-2018, 05:26 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 01-11-2018, 05:52 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - JWB - 01-11-2018, 06:34 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 01-11-2018, 10:54 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 02-08-2018, 03:40 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - JWB - 02-13-2018, 04:39 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 02-23-2018, 05:02 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - MM - 02-24-2018, 10:04 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - JWB - 03-25-2018, 10:11 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 04-02-2018, 09:10 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 04-02-2018, 09:11 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 04-07-2018, 11:05 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 06-30-2018, 12:59 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 06-30-2018, 01:00 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 07-15-2018, 10:48 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 07-15-2018, 06:30 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 10-07-2018, 03:51 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 11-19-2018, 04:19 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 12-29-2018, 10:01 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 01-05-2019, 08:32 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 03-29-2019, 11:17 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 04-08-2019, 01:31 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 04-29-2019, 07:04 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 05-06-2019, 09:00 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 06-09-2019, 12:32 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 06-11-2019, 06:04 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 06-10-2019, 08:57 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 06-12-2019, 04:46 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - MM - 06-13-2019, 11:14 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - MM - 06-15-2019, 11:08 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 06-16-2019, 03:13 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 07-19-2019, 07:42 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 07-22-2019, 10:46 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 08-14-2019, 11:33 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 08-26-2019, 01:45 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 08-31-2019, 10:25 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 10-06-2019, 01:24 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 10-13-2019, 08:40 AM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 10-13-2019, 01:04 PM
RE: Rate the Last Movie U Watched - 142857 - 11-29-2019, 11:07 PM



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